I'm Not Normal!

I'm not normal! 

This is something that I've known for quite some time but hadn't accepted until recently. I dream of flying and soaring through the open sky. I yearn to be free and alive in all aspects of my life; to drink fully and completely from this cup called knowledge. 

I'm not normal! 

Instead of coasting through the years and watching every minute become and hour and every day become another, I want to make an impression in those seconds. I want to leave behind a legacy of fulfillment. I want my future, yet to be born offspring, to inherit a world of acceptance, of opportunity and of love. I want my every mistake, my every hardship, my ever lesson learned to count for something. I want my life to count for something. I want to be unforgettable.

I'm not normal!

I refuse to leave this world having not seen my name in lights; having not made a difference in at least one life; having not learned that some things are beyond my control and having not accepted that without God I am nothing. I won't be content until my dreams become a reality and my conscience my guide.  I won't be content with half a mind; with half a dream; with half love. I won't be content until I see me. I want completeness. I want wholeness. I want life. 

I'm not normal!

Signed Your Conscience...

Gray Haired Bandit!

I'm approaching a major milestone in my life. You see, I'm getting ready to leave another decade behind and I have to admit I'm a bit nervous. Not about the increased responsibility or any of the really real "grown up" stuff but about the physical changes that take place. Now I know a lot of people (they have a few screws loose) who as they get older look forward to the impending gray hairs, the fine lines and wrinkles and all of the other "nuances" that come with aging. I on the other hand am not one of "those" individuals. I remember when I found the first gray hair, I freaked out. Not just because it was there but because it had the nerve and audacity to insert itself dead in the middle of my center part. This lone hair didn't say "let me grow somewhere less conspicuous", NO, this fool came and brought along company without asking me first. I now have seven grays taking up prime real estate on my part and they're refusing to adhere to the eviction notice I sent them . I've tried tweezing them (don't do that, they bring back up when they return), trimming them, tried different oils and conditioners all to no avail... yeah yeah yeah, I know I could color them but I don't feel like it. Why should I be inconvenienced because they don't know how to act? And besides, coloring is messy so I'll be delaying that until I can't anymore. My brush with "Old man time" made me think about one of "those" people I mentioned earlier.

I Dream of Change (Trayvon Martin)

Today I woke up extremely disheartened, not because of anything that occurred in my life per-say but due to things I see occurring in society. As I was surfing the web doing some mundane task, I stumbled upon an article that broke my heart and I knew I had to tell this story. The article painted a picture that was so horrifyingly colorful that it brought tears to my eyes. On the 19th of March in the year 2012, I was introduced to a young man named Trayvon Martin. Trayvon, a promising 17 year old so full of the innocence that we all took for granted at that age, walked freely iced tea in one hand and a bag of Skittles in the other hoping to quench his sweet tooth; never did he imagine in his still maturing mind that his trip to the local store would be his last. The store being a short walk away was the obvious place to buy the sweets he had been craving, so off he went. On his way back, so immersed in the phone conversation he was having with his girlfriend, Trayvon noticed he was being followed. He continued to walk along the sidewalk acutely aware of the ominous presence trailing him; we would later learn that the presence had a name, George Zimmerman. On February 26th, 2012, Trayvon Martin came face to face with what would now be known as pure unsolicited hate.

Letting Go

"Letting go doesn't mean giving up. It means moving on."

Today I read something and I thought I'd share my take on it with you. They were articles (find links at the end of this post) on letting go of the present in order to embrace the future. When I made the decision to gallop into the next phase of my life and reside in the year of Shoma (see previous post), it wasn’t immediately clear just how drastic the changes would need to be. I had to accept all of the things that were in order to get to all of the things that will be. I needed to be really real with me. Now, I've always had a pretty truth filled relationship with myself but this level of honesty would have to surpass even that. I sat and I stood; I paced and I walked trying to decide where I would begin. I decided to compile a mental list of all of the things that I was proud of, and those that I truly regretted.

As I lay on my bed, eyes closed, the movie of my life began to play in my mind’s eye. Some scenes elicited hearty laughter while others brought harsh realities. Despite the array of emotions running through me, I knew I needed to feel them. To relive them; to learn the lessons I had missed while experiencing them. Then and only then would I be able to move on. I needed this. Truly needed to accept all of me; truly needed to see me as I truly am and the only way I could achieve that goal was to tear down the exterior and view what lay beneath. I became excited and giddy as the closing credits rolled before my eyes when I saw that it read...To Be Continued. There's so much life left ahead of me and that's what I needed to acknowledge and remember.

I must admit that this whole "embracing the truth" exercise truly works. I felt light, I felt free but most importantly, I felt alive. I felt secure in the decisions I'd made in my life and felt at peace with my proclamation to let go and move on. I would encourage everyone to truly get to know themselves. Develop a truth based relationship with that person whose reflection you see daily (the man in the mirror...MJ had it right all along); acknowledge who you are presently and embrace who you desire to be...YOUR PAST DOES NOT DICTATE YOUR FUTURE. Let go of all of the things, people, relationships and experiences that currently hold you back and move on with the knowledge gained from them all. I'm not suggesting you forget. What I am saying is to free yourself from the hold those situations or people have over you. Create new and amazing memories with new and amazing people. See life through a fresh pair of eyes and let go. Some would say letting go is moving on but I prefer to believe that letting go is to truly live and not merely exist.


Signed Your Conscience...

Helpful links :

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Letting_Go_and_Moving_Forward.html

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-a-past-relationship-10-steps-to-peacefully-move-on/

My Next Move!

As you read in my first post, dramatic changes have taken place in my life over the past year. Some great and some not so great but I've come to a place where all of those changes are appreciated. I'd made the decision some time ago to embark on a new life with a completely renewed spirit and a refreshed outlook on the course I'm on. Since having what I considered to be an epiphany, I decided a complete life change was going to be my next step. I’d made up my mind some time ago that 2012 was going to be MY YEAR; forget the year of the dragon, it has since been renamed the year of Shoma. This year was going to be a year of prosperity, a year of new experiences, and a year that would ultimately be the beginning of the rest of my life. I’d made up my mind that in 2012, I was going to increase my fierceness tenfold. My off the hook-ness (not a real word) was about to be off the charts. As I sat on my bed making my list of to-do's for 2012, I was elated, beyond hype, that is until I realized getting to extra fierce-ville with a cherry on top would not be an easy feat. This would take a change in diet, the addition of exercise and sheer willpower.  Now the change in diet would be a breeze since I’m already a pretty healthy eater. You see, I’ve been a vegetarian for almost twelve years  and I try to eat organic and natural whenever and wherever possible, though pizza will be the end of me I swear…Can we say kryptonite? The occasional cookie, well the not so occasional since I learned to make them from scratch (move over Emeril…BAMMMMM) has got me looking a little round around the middle lately, but nothing a few crunches won’t fix, if I ever manage to do a few crunches. Exercise is not my friend. As a matter of fact, it’s the devil and I’ve come to exorcise it…Repent, Repent, hgtvscatsanddogsnfht(that’s me speaking in tongues) Hehehe! 

Welcome and let's get to know each other!

WOWWWWW!

Can't believe I finally took the plunge into BLOG WORLD WORLD WORLD... I even hear an echo. So since this is my very first blog, allow me to introduce myself and my reasoning behind the creation of this blog. Hi there! I'm Shoma! Yes I said Shoma so I don't wanna here any quip remarks about my name. Like, is that your real name? Why would your parents name you that? etc etc blah blah blah. Growing up I heard every possible joke one could imagine about this "unusual" name swimming in a sea of Becky's. I was teased relentlessly by classmates, strangers and even family...i.e. my older brother. Don't they just annoy you sometimes? Hehehe, just kidding; I mean without them who would we younger siblings tattle or spy on? So I gueesssss it's a fair trade. Back to my "name" issues. When the movie The Last Dragon came out I became an honorary cast member by proxy that is. That famous line: Now, when I say, "Who's da mastah?" you say, "Sho'nuff!" became, "Who's da mastah? SHOMA!!!" That line became the soundtrack of my life. I've been called Shona, Shana, Shirma, Shuma, Shama, Shan, etc; I'm sure you get the point. To this day I have a cousin and an aunt in-law who can't pronounce my name which baffles me because it's quite simple and pronounced just the way it's spelled--- (Show-Ma). See, that wasn't hard or even tongue twisting; I could understand if my name was Castelbajacandjackandjill, now with that I would be able to understand the difficulty. These name teasers have left me so emotionally scarred I was forced to vent through a blog. I kid, I kid. I'm a Leo so I'm prone to dramatics but Shhhhhhh... let's keep that between us; no one else needs to know that about this prideful lioness.